This has been a year of seemingly unrelenting change. Moving from one state to another, beginning to work remotely, and figuring out how to regain a sense of security. While much of the change has been positive – even good things can be stressful.
After settling into my new home, I realized that this was an opportunity to develop new habits. So, I began to try to consciously enjoy something fantastic every single day. Today I marveled at the way it rained while the sun was also shining. Tomorrow I may wonder at the trees or the mountains in the distance, but taking that time each day to just enjoy the beauty around me makes every day better.
Employment change was empowering but also shocking in ways I had not anticipated. It was an honor to know that I was trusted enough to be allowed to continue doing work I loved from my home. However, it was a shock to go from working in a busy in-house creative agency where the team worked directly above the sales floor, to my dining room. I love that there are fewer noise distractions around me and I can play whatever music I want while working. Thankfully, with internet and video conferences, personal interaction is still possible. Without technology, remaining in day-to-day contact with the rest of the remote and in-house team would be much more difficult. Imagine having to conduct business via regular mail only! Really brings home how much of an advancement the telegraph must have been.
Moving and making adjustments to a new way of working were easy compared to the challenge of regaining a sense of security. Just about 2 years after my carjacking I am finally able to get gas for my car without being nervous and scared every time. (I’m only nervous and scared about half the time I get gas now!) So, things are getting better. I am learning to be patient with myself and that it is OK to feel afraid or nervous. We are all pressured to be self-sufficient and able to take care of things by ourselves. But I have seen how glad others are to be given a chance to help. From gas station attendants that have helped me when I couldn’t pump gas without shaking in fear to friends who have stayed on the phone with me “just in case another crazy man with a gun runs up to me again” I have been helped in so many ways by friends and strangers.
Most of all, I have learned that you only have to let go of things that you hold onto. Good and bad experiences both can weigh us down if we hold onto them too tightly. What you allow to be dominant in your thoughts – what you hold onto – is what you will be most aware of. It is amazing how when you focus and dwell on negative things; you suddenly see negative experiences everywhere. I have become much more aware of my day to day thoughts both positive and negative. I don’t think that it is possible to be positive all the time, but I know that I CAN decide what sort of thoughts and feelings I will choose to focus on. Moving forward is difficult when mired in the swamp of the past. Rather than focusing on letting go, I choose to be more selective about what I hold onto. Beautiful sunsets, laughing with my family, the taste of root beer floats – these things I will hold onto. Oh, and of course – Penguins! Always Penguins!
DeeryJennifer 