Archive for category Movies

Viewing History

I reviewed my viewing history the other day for my streaming TV services. Before, I would have said that most of what I watch is divided Sci-Fi, Action, and Drama – with some documentaries thrown in.

But, the reality is that about 75% of my history is Documentaries. I thought about it and realized that makes sense. I love nature docs, history docs, series that explain how and why things have happened, or speculate on what will happen in the future – these all interest me.

I also looked over my reading history on my Kindle, iBooks account, and stack of physical books I have read and noticed that those are focused on Sci-Fi, Action, and Drama with about half being different HIstory books, or “How-To” books. Information is very nifty.

Have you reviewed your viewing history? Does it match your reading history?

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Fire Rats!

True fact: I do not like rats (or mice) at all. Even the thought of watching the film Willard makes my skin crawl. Ugh. Which is a shame since I think the lead actor looks really nifty-creepy in the trailer. Since even watching the trailer made me feel all oogy – the film will have to remain unseen by me.

My dislike of rats is important because it almost explains the re-occurring daydream I have about “Fire Rats”. Almost. OK, so not really. I may be a bit obsessed with cheesy movies with plot devices like zombie sharks, flying sharks, huge bugs that take over the world, and other very realistic scenarios.

Imagine that there is an abandoned warehouse. Because there is always an abandoned warehouse. This warehouse was used by a chemical company to store high-grade pesticides and fire-retardant chemicals until they were closed following an investigation by the EPA. Or maybe the Forest Service? I’ve often thought about an Alternate Universe where the Forest Service is the most kick-ass branch of the government because ….. reasons. Very important reasons that I haven’t worked out yet.

So, the rats. Creepy ones with glowing red eyes. Because of course when the Evil Chemical Company (ECC) was closed down they forgot about this one out of the way warehouse with lots of dangerous stuff inside. So, over a few years, the rats have been living and breeding in a cesspool of pesticides and fire-retardant chemicals. Naturally, as happens, the pesticides caused them to grow a bit bigger and altered their brain chemistry. The chemicals damaged the eyes of the rats so that they are crystallized. Of course, this is bad because in the right circumstances this means that reflected sunlight is bounced off the eyes and concentrated. Which of course will set things on fire.

The rats don’t mind the fire because it makes bugs and animals run out of buildings and become food for the hungry mischief of rats. (fun fact: group of rats is a “mischief”) I can just picture the “Rat Expert” always correcting everyone else who calls the group of rats a “horde”, “pack”, or other incorrect terms. Due to constant exposure to fire-retardant chemicals, the rats are fire proof. “Oh my God! They are not just rats – they are FIRE RATS!”

Be afraid, it’s not just zombie crickets anymore!

NOTE: There is no picture of a rat because when I looked for one it freaked me out!

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Zombie Cricket Apocalypse

Sometimes a story invades your brain and just won’t go away. This is one such saga….and it all began with a beeping surge protector.

Today at work, the surge protector & backup battery is chirping. Again.

To stop the chirping requires a hard reset that will turn off the power for a few seconds. We can’t reset it right now because everyone is actually WORKING. So, this means that there is random psychotic cricket chirping. All. Day. Long. Additionally, one of the fluorescent lights is flickering just like the lights in a zombie movie do right before the ravenous hordes attack. So my life is currently a cross between the book “A Cricket in Times Square” and the film “World War Z.”

Wow – I can just imagine the SyFy TV movie!

Zombie Cricket Apocalypse

Establishing shot of a long office corridor. Windows are cracked, and ceiling tiles are hanging loose – some have fallen onto the floor. There are office cubicles with half-wall dividers –  made of glass. One of them has a smeared bloody handprint that is zoomed in on and the camera pans out you see the trail of blood leading to an arm that ends with a bloody hand. The tips of the fingers appear to have been gnawed on in an almost delicate fashion. The camera moves back to focus on two people. One a scared office worker (woman) in a suit with a very short skirt that is torn almost completely up the side and the shirt buttons are all popped off. However, her heels are still in good shape – just like her lip gloss. The other person is a rugged looking man in a forest ranger uniform (complete with smokey the bear hat!)

WILLIAM

Shush now. We hafta be really, really quiet, or they will find us. We just have to make it out the building and to my Expedition and we can get to safety.

SUSIE

Is wringing her hands uselessly but looking super cute and her hair is just PERFECT!

Oh my gosh oh my gosh.

WILLIAM

It’ll be OK – trust me I am a forest ranger

Close up shot of his forest ranger uniform patch

SUSIE

Grabs onto his burly bicep with a manicured hand

I trust you.

They continue tip-toeing down the corridor. Every time they pass another delicately gnawed corpse SUSIE gasps silently and WILLIAM looks stoic and competent.

Coming to the large glassed-in lobby they encounter another group of survivors. A woman MEREDITH with a young toddler BILLY, a teenage boy SAMMY with a golden retriever DUKE, a tattooed band member KARL (evident by the electric guitar slung over his shoulder and the amplifier he is carrying), and a priest FATHER JACOBS.

FATHER JACOBS

Whispers – My children, truly we are all blessed. I am Father Jacobs and we were afraid that no one else had survived.

He makes the sign of the cross over SUSIE and WILLIAM

The entire group heads out of the building’s front doors, and they all get into the Ranger’s Official Ford Expedition (close up on the company logo for product placement) The group drives away from the office building passing burned out shells of vehicles. As they pass by one mom and pop store you see a person trying to run out to them screaming

BLEEDING PERSON

Help! Oh please Stop! Help!

He falls just as he reaches the curb and is dragged back into the store screaming. The last you see of him is his bloody hands scrabbling at the ground trying to claw his way to safety as he is slowly pulled to his doom. His screams die away. The truck continues forward.

At the last intersection in town, the light turns red and, of course, WILLIAM stops. He looks at all his passengers.

WILLIAM

We’re almost away safely from this hell town of death and despair. I think we’re all going to be ok.

Everyone in the truck breaks out into smiles and hugs! The dog looks happy!

The light turns green. Just as WILLIAM is about to move forward a small, cute, almost innocent “CHIRP” is heard.

CRICKET

Chirp.

WILLIAM slams on the brakes. Everyone in the truck freezes in horror. Everyone swivels their heads to look back towards the open cargo area.

FATHER JACOBS

Turns around and peers over the back seat to see a single darling adorable cricket just there.

CRICKET

The cricket sits there and lets out another single chirp.

Chirp.

FATHER JACOBS

Oh dear God. Our Father, who art in Heaven….he continues to recite the Lord’s Prayer

Everyone in the car screams and scrambles for the door handles but just as they are about to open the doors, all the locks engage.

Cut to outside shot where you just hear screams as the Ford Expedition (with another shot of the logo from the rear) shakes and shudders. Blood spurts onto the windows and the dog howls, yelps, growls adding to the symphony of panicked and painful screams.

Suddenly there is silence, and you see a single cricket, covered in gore and blood (very tiny pieces of gore obviously) sitting on the hood of the Ford Expedition (another logo shot) with delicate cricket footprints leading to his position. A drop of blood falls from one of his antennae.

CRICKET

Chirp

MANY OTHER CRICKETS

Echoing chirps

Links just in case you are interested:

A Cricket in Times Square

World War Z Movie

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