Archive for category writing

Viewing History

I reviewed my viewing history the other day for my streaming TV services. Before, I would have said that most of what I watch is divided Sci-Fi, Action, and Drama – with some documentaries thrown in.

But, the reality is that about 75% of my history is Documentaries. I thought about it and realized that makes sense. I love nature docs, history docs, series that explain how and why things have happened, or speculate on what will happen in the future – these all interest me.

I also looked over my reading history on my Kindle, iBooks account, and stack of physical books I have read and noticed that those are focused on Sci-Fi, Action, and Drama with about half being different HIstory books, or “How-To” books. Information is very nifty.

Have you reviewed your viewing history? Does it match your reading history?

,

Leave a comment

Fire Rats!

True fact: I do not like rats (or mice) at all. Even the thought of watching the film Willard makes my skin crawl. Ugh. Which is a shame since I think the lead actor looks really nifty-creepy in the trailer. Since even watching the trailer made me feel all oogy – the film will have to remain unseen by me.

My dislike of rats is important because it almost explains the re-occurring daydream I have about “Fire Rats”. Almost. OK, so not really. I may be a bit obsessed with cheesy movies with plot devices like zombie sharks, flying sharks, huge bugs that take over the world, and other very realistic scenarios.

Imagine that there is an abandoned warehouse. Because there is always an abandoned warehouse. This warehouse was used by a chemical company to store high-grade pesticides and fire-retardant chemicals until they were closed following an investigation by the EPA. Or maybe the Forest Service? I’ve often thought about an Alternate Universe where the Forest Service is the most kick-ass branch of the government because ….. reasons. Very important reasons that I haven’t worked out yet.

So, the rats. Creepy ones with glowing red eyes. Because of course when the Evil Chemical Company (ECC) was closed down they forgot about this one out of the way warehouse with lots of dangerous stuff inside. So, over a few years, the rats have been living and breeding in a cesspool of pesticides and fire-retardant chemicals. Naturally, as happens, the pesticides caused them to grow a bit bigger and altered their brain chemistry. The chemicals damaged the eyes of the rats so that they are crystallized. Of course, this is bad because in the right circumstances this means that reflected sunlight is bounced off the eyes and concentrated. Which of course will set things on fire.

The rats don’t mind the fire because it makes bugs and animals run out of buildings and become food for the hungry mischief of rats. (fun fact: group of rats is a “mischief”) I can just picture the “Rat Expert” always correcting everyone else who calls the group of rats a “horde”, “pack”, or other incorrect terms. Due to constant exposure to fire-retardant chemicals, the rats are fire proof. “Oh my God! They are not just rats – they are FIRE RATS!”

Be afraid, it’s not just zombie crickets anymore!

NOTE: There is no picture of a rat because when I looked for one it freaked me out!

, ,

Leave a comment

Zombie Cricket Apocalypse

Sometimes a story invades your brain and just won’t go away. This is one such saga….and it all began with a beeping surge protector.

Today at work, the surge protector & backup battery is chirping. Again.

To stop the chirping requires a hard reset that will turn off the power for a few seconds. We can’t reset it right now because everyone is actually WORKING. So, this means that there is random psychotic cricket chirping. All. Day. Long. Additionally, one of the fluorescent lights is flickering just like the lights in a zombie movie do right before the ravenous hordes attack. So my life is currently a cross between the book “A Cricket in Times Square” and the film “World War Z.”

Wow – I can just imagine the SyFy TV movie!

Zombie Cricket Apocalypse

Establishing shot of a long office corridor. Windows are cracked, and ceiling tiles are hanging loose – some have fallen onto the floor. There are office cubicles with half-wall dividers –  made of glass. One of them has a smeared bloody handprint that is zoomed in on and the camera pans out you see the trail of blood leading to an arm that ends with a bloody hand. The tips of the fingers appear to have been gnawed on in an almost delicate fashion. The camera moves back to focus on two people. One a scared office worker (woman) in a suit with a very short skirt that is torn almost completely up the side and the shirt buttons are all popped off. However, her heels are still in good shape – just like her lip gloss. The other person is a rugged looking man in a forest ranger uniform (complete with smokey the bear hat!)

WILLIAM

Shush now. We hafta be really, really quiet, or they will find us. We just have to make it out the building and to my Expedition and we can get to safety.

SUSIE

Is wringing her hands uselessly but looking super cute and her hair is just PERFECT!

Oh my gosh oh my gosh.

WILLIAM

It’ll be OK – trust me I am a forest ranger

Close up shot of his forest ranger uniform patch

SUSIE

Grabs onto his burly bicep with a manicured hand

I trust you.

They continue tip-toeing down the corridor. Every time they pass another delicately gnawed corpse SUSIE gasps silently and WILLIAM looks stoic and competent.

Coming to the large glassed-in lobby they encounter another group of survivors. A woman MEREDITH with a young toddler BILLY, a teenage boy SAMMY with a golden retriever DUKE, a tattooed band member KARL (evident by the electric guitar slung over his shoulder and the amplifier he is carrying), and a priest FATHER JACOBS.

FATHER JACOBS

Whispers – My children, truly we are all blessed. I am Father Jacobs and we were afraid that no one else had survived.

He makes the sign of the cross over SUSIE and WILLIAM

The entire group heads out of the building’s front doors, and they all get into the Ranger’s Official Ford Expedition (close up on the company logo for product placement) The group drives away from the office building passing burned out shells of vehicles. As they pass by one mom and pop store you see a person trying to run out to them screaming

BLEEDING PERSON

Help! Oh please Stop! Help!

He falls just as he reaches the curb and is dragged back into the store screaming. The last you see of him is his bloody hands scrabbling at the ground trying to claw his way to safety as he is slowly pulled to his doom. His screams die away. The truck continues forward.

At the last intersection in town, the light turns red and, of course, WILLIAM stops. He looks at all his passengers.

WILLIAM

We’re almost away safely from this hell town of death and despair. I think we’re all going to be ok.

Everyone in the truck breaks out into smiles and hugs! The dog looks happy!

The light turns green. Just as WILLIAM is about to move forward a small, cute, almost innocent “CHIRP” is heard.

CRICKET

Chirp.

WILLIAM slams on the brakes. Everyone in the truck freezes in horror. Everyone swivels their heads to look back towards the open cargo area.

FATHER JACOBS

Turns around and peers over the back seat to see a single darling adorable cricket just there.

CRICKET

The cricket sits there and lets out another single chirp.

Chirp.

FATHER JACOBS

Oh dear God. Our Father, who art in Heaven….he continues to recite the Lord’s Prayer

Everyone in the car screams and scrambles for the door handles but just as they are about to open the doors, all the locks engage.

Cut to outside shot where you just hear screams as the Ford Expedition (with another shot of the logo from the rear) shakes and shudders. Blood spurts onto the windows and the dog howls, yelps, growls adding to the symphony of panicked and painful screams.

Suddenly there is silence, and you see a single cricket, covered in gore and blood (very tiny pieces of gore obviously) sitting on the hood of the Ford Expedition (another logo shot) with delicate cricket footprints leading to his position. A drop of blood falls from one of his antennae.

CRICKET

Chirp

MANY OTHER CRICKETS

Echoing chirps

Links just in case you are interested:

A Cricket in Times Square

World War Z Movie

, , , , ,

1 Comment

Copywriting – Calculated Process or Art?

Copywriting is a strange profession that is at once extremely calculated and planned out yet still relies upon artistic inspiration. As the senior copywriter for a successful furniture retailer, everything I write is geared towards making a sale. Whether I’m describing a sofa, composing a Facebook post, or writing about home design the ultimate goal is to turn a casual browser into a customer.

There are more copywriting books than any one employed person could ever have time to read. However, one of the most useful pieces of advice I ever ran across was the explanation that the goal of copywriting is to sell. I highly recommend Robert Bly’s book The Copywriter’s Handbook . Practically speaking this statement is incredibly freeing for writer. Grammatical errors and correct spelling are perfectly fine if they result in sales. However, for someone who grew up with a self-proclaimed “grammar policeman” as a father, this is sometimes a difficult fact to accept. With my writers, I always try to explain the reasons I make an edit or why one sentence is preferred over another.

Having helped with two complete website redesigns and written (and rewritten) the company’s style guide I now realize the following five things:

1. A good writer is not automatically a good copywriter.
The style of writing learned in school is academic in nature. Teachers reward you with good grades for a paper that sounds amazing and gets the point across. Using fancy terminology and multisyllabic words is a valued skill for most academic writing. Creative writing often values expansive storytelling and the ability to paint a picture in the mind of your reader. In many ways, copywriting is a second cousin twice removed to other types of writing. While ordinarily a good sounding sentence is preferred in copywriting often, a more concise statement is more effective. Nike’s famous catchphrase “Just do it” could also be expressed as “You really should stop procrastinating and just begin the task.” This is an excellent example of how less is often more in copywriting.

When interviewing for a new copywriter I don’t just look for someone who can write well. Writing well is necessary but you must also be able to adapt your style and change it to fit the audience, the product, and most importantly the boss. When writing for a varied audience, the goal is not to put yourself in the customer shoes. The goal is to take yourself out of the equation entirely. Rather than thinking, “What would I want to read if I was the customer?” I tell my copywriters to instead ask, “What will encourage my customer to purchase?” or “What does my ideal customer want to read?”

2. Style guides are not cheat sheets and are not immutable.
One of the main rules in our store’s style guide is that first-person pronouns are never used. This is a direct result of the fact that the owner feels using first-person pronouns takes the emphasis off the customer. Some situations, such as when we send out an email letter on behalf of the owner, do call for these first-person pronouns to be used. So, part of copywriting is knowing when not to follow the rules.

Being asked to use a style guide and adhere to company-wide standards of grammar, word usage, and even font size is not a punishment and does not mean you have subpar writing skills. Style guides are frames that helps ensure you don’t go off track. Style guides allow the work of one person to be easily blended with the work of another. When a customer is browsing your website, reading your brochure, or even looking at an advertisement the last thing you want is for there to be a feeling of disconnect or confusion. Having different tones of voice or varied terminology can be jarring for a consumer who just wants to know about your product.

3. Balance beauty and practicality.
If every sentence you write is an elaborate work of art, then your reader can become overwhelmed and leave. When each sentence is filled with flourishes, they all blend together. Conversely, if every sentence you write is dry and boring your reader is just as likely to leave and go somewhere else. You want to have a mix between the two.

For some of my writers it helps to compare copywriting to folding origami swans. (The swans are the sentences!) If you have 10 swans all made of stunning patterned and foiled origami paper then no single one of them will stand out. So many crazy swans can also be tiring to look at – anyone looking at your swans will be visually stunned and turned off. If instead all of your swans are made of plain white paper then none will stand out or be memorable. The ratio I usually look for is about 80/20 of plain sentences to elaborate sentences. About 80% of our sentences are simpler in nature, more direct and to the point. The remaining 20% are compound sentences that are more complex or simply contain language that is more elaborate. This helps keep your writing from becoming repetitious and from a practical standpoint is faster to write. For more on the 80/20 rule, read Islands of Profit in a Sea of Red Ink by Jonathan Byrnes – a very smart man.

4. Know why you are writing.
As I am a writer, I am biased towards words. If you tell me to sell a sofa, I naturally think about the best language to use. Think about the reason you are writing forces you to develop a plan of action. Have a goal in mind. Sports teams compete with a goal of scoring the most points. This is what wins the game. In writing – you have to choose the style that will let you win. Sometimes a short bullet pointed list is better than a 3-page essay.

5.Copywriting does not belong to the writer.
Your words belong to the person who paid for them. If the person writing the checks wants you to use “crimson” instead of “red” then that is what you will do. Word people are hoarders of words and language. We love our physical books. We love our Kindles (I own three – all used for different types of reading environments). We love the words we write. You must be able to step back and push your words out of the nest. This ability can be very emotionally difficult. When your work is edited and changed, realize that your copy may be great – but simply not the best fit in the current format. Remember that while your words are the starting point, the sale is the goal. Any changes or edits are simply detours to make the journey smoother for your potential customers.

I believe that good copywriting is selling and communicating and explaining and convincing and beautiful all at the same time. Set up boundaries, be creative, and remember to have fun. Do not become fixated on analyzing sentence structure and following the rules – ultimately you are writing for a very specific purpose. If you do not know what your purpose is, then you cannot determine if your copywriting is effective. Copywriting is a calculated, planned art form.

-Disclosure: I enjoy making origami swans and think diagramming sentences is fun.

, ,

Leave a comment

Beautiful chaos!

My job is never boring. I am blessed to be employed at Gallery Furniture where I work on the internet team. Every day is something new and interesting. Some days are spent writing descriptions for “extremely comfortable” sofas while others are spent verifying measurements. We have amazing contests through social media that are just sheer fun to be involved with. During the day I may help check HTML, post to twitter, (yep, I’m a professional twit!) or edit landing page and email copy.

Today I helped with product naming, posted products to our website: http://www.galleryfurniture.com, edited writing from my team, and began the copy for a youtube video voice-over by one of our designers.

Learning to embrace the chaos has allowed me to actually look forward to each day.  But, all this has been possible only because I never stopped trying to find a way to incorporate words into my life. The opportunity to develop professionally into a copywriter and content strategist was not laid out for me – I had to reach out and prove my ability.

Reaching out to try is scary, and not always the obvious choice. So, I dare you to try something else and see what happens!

, ,

Leave a comment

In the Beginning

For my first official blog post, I spent some time pondering what to say. Should I be witty, serious, or just ramble on? Then I realized that the answer was obvious……

crazy penguinPENGUINS ARE AWESOME!

Yes, I like penguins. Anyone who knows me (and many who do not) is aware of this fact. I have more links to live penguin cams than any one person needs. Penguins have so much to teach us about life.

When you are in trouble and the temperature drops – huddle together for warmth like penguins do. Teamwork for the win!

If you find yourself becoming mired in obstacles and feeling tired – remember the penguin who waddles (yes waddles) awkwardly for miles and miles and miles in freezing temperatures to reach the ocean and eat something so they can return home and feed their chick.

Do you wonder if something is safe to do? Simply crowd the person at the edge of the cliff into the water and see if they survive! This is a great way to test for safety.

I love penguins for their perseverance, stubbornness, do or die attitude, and how they transform from bumbling land birds into svelte, graceful missiles when they enter the water.

Just like the penguins, we all have a place where we truly shine – finding your home areas in life can give you strength during those gawky times we all experience.

Stay tuned for updates on my adventures in writing, drawing ostriches, and finding yet more penguin cams.

,

5 Comments